Lesson Three: How to write a paper

Step 1: Decide to start it early

Step 2: Don't start it early

Step 3: Decide to finish it early

Step 4: Think about a topic

Step 5: Think some more

Step 6: Pick a topic

Step 7: Wait a week

Step 8: Change your topic

Step 9: Open word processor

Step 10: Stare at blank page for 5 minutes

Step 11: Try to convince your friends to write it for you

Step 12: Talk to your friends for 4 hours about how you don't want to write the paper

Step 13: Panic cause its due in 12 hours and you still have 8 pages left to write

Step 14: Write two sentences

Step 15: Give up on life

Step 16: Try to reason with yourself

Step 17: Stop talking to yourself!

Step 18: Stay up all night

Step 19: Get cocky when you only have 2 pages left and 5 hours left to write it

Step 20: Try to finish

Step 21: Give up on life

Step 22: Finish paper

Step 23: Go to class

Step 24: Hand paper to teacher

Step 25: Listen to someone's sob story about how they didn't finish and the teacher say 'you can turn it in late'.

Step 26: Put away your knife. It's not worth it.

Step 27: Realize that life is more beautiful than you could have ever imagined

Step 28: Repeat 4 or 5 times throughout the semester

Step 29: Give up on life