Helmets

So, I've decided to post some of my favorite entries from the encyclopedia of pointless exercise "duel perspective". These are the ones that, when I read them, fill me with joy. This one's about Helmets.

Helmets are a darn useful object. They were first conceived of when people started falling off their bikes and someone thought "Hey, wouldn't it be awesome if our brains DIDN'T splatter all over the pavement every time we crashed?" And thus the helmet was born. Today, however, it has found much more useful employment. They are now used for retarded people to make sure they are not confused with normal people. They also make awesome chip bowls. It is theorized that the chemicals from the helmet seep into the chips and make them taste even more super awesome. Everyone who has ever eaten from a helmet chip bowl has developed cancer within 6 months, but there is no evidence that there is a direct correlation (besides the rather minor coincidence that the tumors are shaped like helmets). Helmets also make awesome snowballs. Just pack a bunch of water inside one, freeze it, and then throw it at someone! Everyone involved will have fun (except the person you threw it at who will die of a concussion. Ironic, isn't it?). It's also a good idea to wear them while snorkeling to intimidate small fish so that they know who's boss. Otherwise those fish will walk all over you (figuratively speaking of course). One time this guy went snorkeling without a helmet and he ended up doing the fishes laundry for a month. It is not clear where the fish got clothes, but it is suspected he stole them from another snorkeler without a helmet just so the other helmetless snorkeler had some clothes to wash. Also, if you ever run into a fish named Herbert, just roll over, you’re screwed. There's no winning, you WILL become his bitch, helmet or no.